taketherightone asked: would you mind sending the link to the Jack and Jamie interview?
Happy Birthday Jack. We love you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
pass-over asked: this blog is hilarious, it made my week hahahaha i can't stop looking at your posts! btw i saw an interview with jack and ed and they were talking about this blog, i'll send you guys the link :) keep posting, this is hilarious! x
Hey thank you so much!! that means the world <3 x
the-little-chubby-deactivated20 asked: hi wheres abbie tumblr ? btw I love this blog so much I laughed a lot XD
thanks!! her blog is password protected but all our twitters are linked in the ‘who are we’ page :)))
Jack’s stomach rumbled in the darkness. As much as he wanted to fool himself, cereal was not a filling breakfast option. Sat upright against the harsh, bare wall he leaned over to scoop Flashygertrude, who was whining softy, into his arms. Jack tried his best to remain tenacious for his child, but the eery rhythmic thumps that he could feel rather than hear, crescendoing from a distance were more than just uncomfortable. Jack gulped and shakily got up to see from the perspective of a match stick flame, if there was anything to feed Flashygertrude lying around.
Jack’s heart leapt out of his chest. “Holy shit” he whispered, awestruck. The previously innocent ruckus was now anything but. Jack’s thoughts scattered like screams in a cave, each echo returning to him utterly indecipherable and as useless as the last. They were getting nearer, getting wilder, getting hungrier. Jack looked down at his child. How he envied the animal, napping in oblivious bliss. Jack wanted desperately to swap roles with Flashygertrude. “I’m not cut out for this” he sobbed. Jack gazed up at the ceiling he couldn’t see, but knew was there. A warm, fiery glow began to pulsate above him. With each throb of the light, the pounding and screams culminated. He could hear everything clearer now. “We want Jamie, we want Jamie”
“Oh. My. God.” It was suffice to say, that Jack was incredibly close to shitting himself.
“Oi, show some respect, eh?”
“JAMIE WHAT THE FUCK!!!!” Jack spun around to see Jamie standing confidently, wearing a smug smile.
“I go by Macchrist now, actually”
“I couldn’t care less what you go by, where the fuck have you been?! DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO LOOK AFTER A CHILD ALONE? JAMIE HOW COULD YOU? I’VE BEEN TO HELL AND BACK AND NOW YOU JUST SHOW UP?!”
“Jack I can ex-“
Jamie was interrupted by the sound of walls crashing and deadly merch-thirsty shrieks. He stared into Jack’s eyes solemnly. Jack fell limp to the floor.
Jack staggered, wiping hawaiian sand from the corners of his eyes. He sighed in relief, as he realised where he was. A lightening quick flash burst before him, and there stood Jamie.
“I just wanted to say goodbye. I’m sorry I haven’t been as supportive as you needed me to be. I promise I have a good excuse. I just want you to know that what ever I do, it’s because I care infinitely about all of you. I love you Jack”
Jamie turned and headed for the rolling waves.
“Jamie! What are you doing?! Where are you going?! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!”
Jack watched, spellbound by the unearthly mega skills being displayed by Jamie. He was surfing… without a board.
Jack awoke, filled with a numinous power, he saw all that was around him with a serene sense of understanding, as if time had slowed and he had the power to analyse every movement being made by everyone in the room. He looked over at Jamie, who was floating, eyes closed, towards the ravenous, lust-filled teenage girls.
“Jesus Christ” Jack breathed.
And suddenly it all made sense.
gonflement-deactivated20130519 asked: I love this blog so much A++ work okay
omg thank u A++ life to u <3
Jack woke up bright and early as usual on a not so bright and rather surly sunday morning, plodded down the plush carpeted stairs and in through the kitchen. He stretched up to open the top cupboard where the cereals and such were kept, his right sleeve barely reaching halfway up his skinny forearm and the blue veins in his wrist bulging. He yawned groggily as he poured his flavourless bland-flakes into his favourite bowl, the one that Flashygertrude had (poorly) painted with Jack for jamie’s birthday. Jack chuckled to himself as he pulled out a chair from the breakfast table, remembering that day and how animated Flashygertrude had looked as he handed Jamie the shoddily wrapped gift, which didn’t really leave much to the imagination.
Jack sighed with smile as he looked down at the grey mush that had formed in the bowl. His smile dropped. Disgusting. All he wanted was a voluptuous body and a scarlet swimsuit like the lady on the box did.
A feral yowl broke Jack’s self-loathing filled trance. He jumped in his seat, knocking the bowl over, causing the milk to seep through the white tablecloth leaving a darker mark. He skittered across the varnished wood flooring and saw Flashygertrude growling with wide, wild eyes at a messy stack of soaking wet letters that didn’t quite make it all the way through the post flap.
“FLASHYGERTRUDE! MY GOODNESS WHAT HAS COME OVER YOU?! YOU INSOLENT CREATURE!”
Flashygertrude quietened down, but still had a ferocious glint in his eyes. He hissed softly as Jack pulled the letters out. Oh God.
Jack could smell it too.
F A N G I R L S
He slowly turned the stack over and carefully picked through. Hearts, sequins, stars, ribbons, glitter, stickers, small gift sized bulges, threats, brash marker pen script, heedful cursive, rushed scrawl…. it was all there. Jack gulped.
“Get the key Flashygertrude. It’s time”